Disclaimer: This blog post is by no means a personal attack on anyone I know or do not know. My point is that we all have ways of doing things but it doesn't mean its the best way for everyone else.
It annoys me that people think that people who share their lives are only sharing because they want attention. Just because you may be a really private person doesn’t mean that other people are wrong because they aren’t private. I share a lot on here, not for attention, not for pity, not because my life is so shallow that I have to go to a blog or facebook to share what is happening in my life. I share because it’s my therapy, it’s what I do with my blog. It is how I want my blog to be, honest and real and almost everyone knows a woman who has had fertility issues and it isn’t easy. It’s how I live my life, not beating around the bush just saying it as it is.
It’s easy to think that our own ways are the best ways, but that is SO not true. It is the best way for US and maybe not the best way for someone else!
My opinion is if you get so offended or annoyed at people writing personal stuff then don’t be on facebook or don’t read other peoples blogs!
On that note, I took my first Clomid today, and I’m going to leave that vague just to annoy people! hahaha Also I wore my underwear inside out all day and my bra on backwards.
Just kidding about the bra part, but not the underwear part..
:)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Happy Birthday Camilla!
I CAN NOT believe that my little baby is already 4! Just doesn't seem possible! She has been asking for her birthday party to be at Chuck E Cheese for months now, so I finally gave in. She had a blast so it was worth it!
This is called the ticket blaster, air blows the tickets all around and she tried to catch them. I have a video I'll try to post if it will work! She loved this!
On a ride, she is really good at having her eyes closed for pictures!
Her cute little cake!
How hard is it to get all 3 of us to have our eyes opened and look at the camera? Apparently very hard since we had 3 pictues taken and none of them turned out good!
Camilla with Chuck E Cheese.
She is getting so big and is really turning into this big girl. She is starting to behave better and we are having SO many good days! I am so glad to have her and am so thankful for her sweet little spirit and of wanting to help Mommy with things. A lot of times when I ask her to do something she will so Okay Mommy. Which before it was a fight constantly but she is learning that I am boss! Woohoo! :)
Mommy and Daddy love you so much Camilla!
This is called the ticket blaster, air blows the tickets all around and she tried to catch them. I have a video I'll try to post if it will work! She loved this!
On a ride, she is really good at having her eyes closed for pictures!
Her cute little cake!
How hard is it to get all 3 of us to have our eyes opened and look at the camera? Apparently very hard since we had 3 pictues taken and none of them turned out good!
Camilla with Chuck E Cheese.
She is getting so big and is really turning into this big girl. She is starting to behave better and we are having SO many good days! I am so glad to have her and am so thankful for her sweet little spirit and of wanting to help Mommy with things. A lot of times when I ask her to do something she will so Okay Mommy. Which before it was a fight constantly but she is learning that I am boss! Woohoo! :)
Mommy and Daddy love you so much Camilla!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Today
Is one of those days where I would REALLY like to get into bed and sleep for oh 8 hours or so. My patience has been very thin the last 2 days, not sure why. I don't think I've had any unusual or different stresses. Just the same ones.
I am getting closer and closer to starting the fertility meds. Went in today and took a pregnancy test just to make sure before I start the meds. Of course though I went into the lab and it was like the busiest day ever. So I waited for close to 40 min before they even called me in and then they said we don't have any order for a test. UGH.. Luckily the lab is in the same building as my Dr. so I was able to just walk down the hall to get the paper work. So then after waiting 5 min for that and then waiting another probably 10 min I was able to get the blood drawn which took oh maybe at the most 3 minutes! Meanwhile Camilla is saying repeatedly I don't want to be here, yanking on my purse, yanking on my hands, there is people around coughing and little kids coughing and I can just feel the sickness invading me. So that didn't help my patience level. I think that I am really nervous about taking the medicine because this will really prove if I am able to get pregnant or not. If this medicine doesn't work then I will have to go to a different kind of fertility Dr. which the closest one is in Sacramento, 2.5 hours away which= Big $$. Which we don't have and don't have insurance and as of right now can't afford it. So I'm really nervous because this is in a way maybe my last shot to ever get pregnant unless for some unknown reason my body decides to cooperate which it hasn't been cooperating for close to 3 years now! So I'm trying to relax, trying not to get too ahead of myself and trying to be positive that this will work. It will right? :) Please? I'm tired of worrying about it, just one more child please?
I've appreciated thinking of our weakness appealing to God. Of God just wanting a little bit of willingness and a weakness in ourselves and with that little bit he can do a amazing work in us. "Our weakness Lord appeals to thee, our spirits long for liberty, oh hear our cry, thy holy one, complete the work thou hast begun." I think that is how it goes, I'm too lazy to get up and find my hymn book! But, it is nice to know that we can be weak and ask God for strength and he will give it. Of course the stipulation is of being willing for his will, all of it.
So today I need more patience and more positive thinking! :)
I am getting closer and closer to starting the fertility meds. Went in today and took a pregnancy test just to make sure before I start the meds. Of course though I went into the lab and it was like the busiest day ever. So I waited for close to 40 min before they even called me in and then they said we don't have any order for a test. UGH.. Luckily the lab is in the same building as my Dr. so I was able to just walk down the hall to get the paper work. So then after waiting 5 min for that and then waiting another probably 10 min I was able to get the blood drawn which took oh maybe at the most 3 minutes! Meanwhile Camilla is saying repeatedly I don't want to be here, yanking on my purse, yanking on my hands, there is people around coughing and little kids coughing and I can just feel the sickness invading me. So that didn't help my patience level. I think that I am really nervous about taking the medicine because this will really prove if I am able to get pregnant or not. If this medicine doesn't work then I will have to go to a different kind of fertility Dr. which the closest one is in Sacramento, 2.5 hours away which= Big $$. Which we don't have and don't have insurance and as of right now can't afford it. So I'm really nervous because this is in a way maybe my last shot to ever get pregnant unless for some unknown reason my body decides to cooperate which it hasn't been cooperating for close to 3 years now! So I'm trying to relax, trying not to get too ahead of myself and trying to be positive that this will work. It will right? :) Please? I'm tired of worrying about it, just one more child please?
I've appreciated thinking of our weakness appealing to God. Of God just wanting a little bit of willingness and a weakness in ourselves and with that little bit he can do a amazing work in us. "Our weakness Lord appeals to thee, our spirits long for liberty, oh hear our cry, thy holy one, complete the work thou hast begun." I think that is how it goes, I'm too lazy to get up and find my hymn book! But, it is nice to know that we can be weak and ask God for strength and he will give it. Of course the stipulation is of being willing for his will, all of it.
So today I need more patience and more positive thinking! :)
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My Granny
My Granny had a stroke last week. It was quite a shock as she has been really healthy her whole life. Thankfully it was a minor stroke, well as minor as you can get. She is recovering really well and the Dr.'s are really impressed with her improvements. I spent 5 days in Reno with her, spent a lot of time in the hospital. Every day I saw improvements, her speech when we first got there I could barely understand what she was saying. But just a few days later it was SO much better!
I learned something during those days in Reno, well a few things. One-My relatives on both sides of my family (Dad's and Mom's) are really close and really care about each other. It is so sad to me how many older people are in care homes and hospitals and never have visitors. They sit day after day probably hoping for someone to come in and cheer them up. Instead the only people the see are Doctors and nurses. We had people in the hospital all hours of the day, all night all day. The only time she was left alone was when the nurses were giving her a bath. You hear a lot and it's sad to say but it's not good to leave people in the hospital by themselves, especially when they can't do very much for them self. Granny had seven kids, all of them but my Mom and her brother Tommy live in the Reno area. They all were there different times of the day and week. All of them talking about changes needing to make at Granny and Papa's house for when she comes home. All of them looking to the future and what they can do to help her recovery and help keep her independence. The reason why all of Granny's kids were there to support her was because she and Papa were good parents. They have a strong marriage and were strong with their discipline and their kids grew up loving them. And now all these years later when their oldest is almost 60 I think, they still love their Mama and want to help her in anyway possible. To me in the day we are living in, that is pretty amazing.
2-After spending days with my 2 Aunts, I see where I get my strong will and willingness to speak my mind. Granted it isn't maybe always best but I don't like people running over me, I will be heard! I see that a lot with them and it is good and bad, so I want to find a balance.
Most of all I appreciate the family I have. We are not all perfect but I'm so glad for the love and care that is shown to me, that helps me along, that encourages me along..
Mom and her parents
HAHA!
I learned something during those days in Reno, well a few things. One-My relatives on both sides of my family (Dad's and Mom's) are really close and really care about each other. It is so sad to me how many older people are in care homes and hospitals and never have visitors. They sit day after day probably hoping for someone to come in and cheer them up. Instead the only people the see are Doctors and nurses. We had people in the hospital all hours of the day, all night all day. The only time she was left alone was when the nurses were giving her a bath. You hear a lot and it's sad to say but it's not good to leave people in the hospital by themselves, especially when they can't do very much for them self. Granny had seven kids, all of them but my Mom and her brother Tommy live in the Reno area. They all were there different times of the day and week. All of them talking about changes needing to make at Granny and Papa's house for when she comes home. All of them looking to the future and what they can do to help her recovery and help keep her independence. The reason why all of Granny's kids were there to support her was because she and Papa were good parents. They have a strong marriage and were strong with their discipline and their kids grew up loving them. And now all these years later when their oldest is almost 60 I think, they still love their Mama and want to help her in anyway possible. To me in the day we are living in, that is pretty amazing.
2-After spending days with my 2 Aunts, I see where I get my strong will and willingness to speak my mind. Granted it isn't maybe always best but I don't like people running over me, I will be heard! I see that a lot with them and it is good and bad, so I want to find a balance.
Most of all I appreciate the family I have. We are not all perfect but I'm so glad for the love and care that is shown to me, that helps me along, that encourages me along..
Mom and her parents
HAHA!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Random
Not much has been going on in our lives except work and every day life! We have some good people working for us now who we can depend on so Ian is home a lot more then he had been. So I don't feel like a single mommy anymore! YAY!
Camilla has been enjoying her trampoline and really likes it when we come and jump on it with her!
Here she is with Grandpa
The last few weeks she has been really into being "pretty" So that means dresses, the fancier the better and her "high" heels.
Her hair battle is still going on, some days are worse then others but we are trying some new products and I've been really trying to keep it braided and that helps with the tangles a lot.
The dogs tumor is getting better, the vet gave me some drops to put on it and it really seems to be drying up so hopefully it will go away! Really don't want to have to pay for her to have surgery!
I've enjoyed this quote, that I stole from Facebook!
"Life is under no obligation to give us what we expect."
Margaret Mitchell,
American author
Feeling really greatful for the people I have in my life, so many great people I know. I just had a birthday and am getting older and really appreciating the people in my circle! It's not how big your circle is, it's the quality of what's inside!
Camilla has been enjoying her trampoline and really likes it when we come and jump on it with her!
Here she is with Grandpa
The last few weeks she has been really into being "pretty" So that means dresses, the fancier the better and her "high" heels.
Her hair battle is still going on, some days are worse then others but we are trying some new products and I've been really trying to keep it braided and that helps with the tangles a lot.
The dogs tumor is getting better, the vet gave me some drops to put on it and it really seems to be drying up so hopefully it will go away! Really don't want to have to pay for her to have surgery!
I've enjoyed this quote, that I stole from Facebook!
"Life is under no obligation to give us what we expect."
Margaret Mitchell,
American author
Feeling really greatful for the people I have in my life, so many great people I know. I just had a birthday and am getting older and really appreciating the people in my circle! It's not how big your circle is, it's the quality of what's inside!
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Year
A new year, a new you. That has been my thought the last week. This year I want to remember that every day can be a new day, a new slate, a day to change for the good.
2010 was one of the hardest years I think I've had in a long time. There was also many many good times and good experiences. We have been thankful for the job we have, but it is a very stressful and demanding job. I have tried so hard to be thankful that we have a job, I know there are a lot of people really struggling to make ends meet. But, as I said it is just a really stressful job and Ian works ALOT.
I was glad to finally get a answer this year also about fertility problems, gave me some peace of mind but there are still a lot of unknowns. But, the hope is to start Clomid a fertility drug this month sometime. I have had to learn a lot of patience with this also, it takes time and medicine takes time to do what it needs to do.
Being a mother to a 3 year old has also been one of the hardest things I've done! I have a very beautiful,sweet,amazing little girl. She is also very stubborn and independent. If it's not her idea, well she just doesn't see why she needs to do it. I have struggled so hard trying to understand her and trying to have the patience with her. I have really worked on being more patient and calm with her and that has helped. There are still some really hard days, but she is getting better. I want this year to be a better mother, a more patient mother and to spend more time with just her.
I've also learned this year the power of words spoken, good and bad words. I've been hurt really bad by things said to me and in return said bad things back. There is no going back now with what has been said, but I'm hoping for someday a reconciliation and some mending of hearts. I think that America is one of the worst countries of blaming someone else for what we have said or done. We can always blame someone else for our own actions, so I want to be careful of that for myself.
Through it all, I'm thankful for the experiences this year that have taught me good lessons. I feel this year that I have got a good hard spanking from the Mother of all Mothers!
Love and patience will always win no matter the situation, no matter how long the situation might drag on.
2010 was one of the hardest years I think I've had in a long time. There was also many many good times and good experiences. We have been thankful for the job we have, but it is a very stressful and demanding job. I have tried so hard to be thankful that we have a job, I know there are a lot of people really struggling to make ends meet. But, as I said it is just a really stressful job and Ian works ALOT.
I was glad to finally get a answer this year also about fertility problems, gave me some peace of mind but there are still a lot of unknowns. But, the hope is to start Clomid a fertility drug this month sometime. I have had to learn a lot of patience with this also, it takes time and medicine takes time to do what it needs to do.
Being a mother to a 3 year old has also been one of the hardest things I've done! I have a very beautiful,sweet,amazing little girl. She is also very stubborn and independent. If it's not her idea, well she just doesn't see why she needs to do it. I have struggled so hard trying to understand her and trying to have the patience with her. I have really worked on being more patient and calm with her and that has helped. There are still some really hard days, but she is getting better. I want this year to be a better mother, a more patient mother and to spend more time with just her.
I've also learned this year the power of words spoken, good and bad words. I've been hurt really bad by things said to me and in return said bad things back. There is no going back now with what has been said, but I'm hoping for someday a reconciliation and some mending of hearts. I think that America is one of the worst countries of blaming someone else for what we have said or done. We can always blame someone else for our own actions, so I want to be careful of that for myself.
Through it all, I'm thankful for the experiences this year that have taught me good lessons. I feel this year that I have got a good hard spanking from the Mother of all Mothers!
Love and patience will always win no matter the situation, no matter how long the situation might drag on.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Nutcracker
Some of us mothers and daughters from around here went to the Nutcracker last Saturday, it was the first time for both Camilla and I. It was pretty long and Camilla didn't seem to interested part of the time. Plus she was NOT wanting her picture taken! Stubborn stubborn..
On the way in with Mom.
At least Lila was smiling!
On the way in with Mom.
At least Lila was smiling!
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