I will be seeing my third fertility Dr next month. My first one retired so I went to a new one and on the first visit she told me that she was closing her practice! Thanks! Well there goes $130 for nothing! Pretty irritating. So now I'm going back to the Dr. that I used when I had Camilla. His name is Dr. Williams and if that isn't ironic enough he has a son named Ian! So it's just meant to be true I guess! So maybe he will have some new ideas or suggestions.
Honestly I'm just really getting tired of all of this. Tired of it constantly running through my head. Tired of every month being let down. This has been going on for almost 3 years. I know I need to finish the clomid cycles but really after that I don't think I'll have a choice anyway to just quit with the fertility Dr.'s. We can't afford invitro and so when I'm done with the clomid then that's in. I am starting to feel a little more at peace with the situation. I know that I am lucky to have already experienced pregnancy and the birth of 1 child. There are a lot of people who will never experience that ever! So if we are to be a family of 3, then so be it. The hardest part if just for Camilla as I've mentioned before. I feel so bad for her watching her play by herself day after day. I have talked to her a little about wanting to have a baby, there have been a few times when I have been crying about it and she is asking what is wrong. I don't know what to say to her to make her understand. I just tell her that my body isn't working right and so I'm having to go to the Dr. and get medicine to try and have a baby. She thinks about it sometimes too because at random times, (like in the store), she wil say (really loud)"But Mommy how come you can't have a baby?" Or "Mommy when are you going to have a baby?" So then everyone stares at us and I stumble and mumble something about I don't know!
So anyway life goes on, I have so much to be thankful for. So thankful for my little family and everyone who is involved who supports me.
Let's all have a joyous day!
