My yard and garden

I have 4 tomato plants.

See the little zucchini?

The plant looks a little sad, but I love the purple blossom of the eggplant.

My first picked veggies! They were spicy!


Not good

Good!

A little hike

Little Back bone on Shasta Lake

PCOS

If you haven't read my previous post, you might want to as it will make this post make sense.
I'm glad I went to the fertility Doctor.. What he said is that I have PCOS- Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. I won't go into details as its really just not attractive, but it all makes sense. I have almost all of the symptoms. One of the biggest side effects of it is infertility. But the hope is that with medication I will be able to get pregnant. So onto this little chapter of our lives, I see the Dr again on the 17th, so I will be able to ask more questions. I looked online (I know its probably not a good idea :)) But from what I read its not terrible but there are a lot of problems not only for your everyday life, but trying to get pregnant, while you are pregnant and for your baby. Things like more likely to get Type 2 diabetes pregnant or not. Higher risk for heart attack, and other womanly issues. I'm trying to just be calm about it, apparently the medicine seems to work for a lot of woman so hopefully it will for me too.
I had a great convention of course, was great to hear everyone (including my sister!) and to see everyone also. It was pretty cold, so I spent a lot of time in Mom and Dads trailer!

Emotional..

WARNING- BIG EMOTIONAL MESS AHEAD! ;)
I am not good at keeping my own secrets.. I'm not a very private person. If I'm feeling an emotion, its pretty easy for me to let it out. Today my 2nd cousins wife died. She was 30, has 3 young girls. I did not know her well, but have really appreciated her and her husband's faith in God. They know,knew that God has a plan for them. They had faith in that plan. I wonder what Gods plan is for me? I have a daughter who is 3 years old. She is amazing, but yet so frustrating at times. Some days I wonder, can I handle any more children? The truth of it all is that maybe that's all I'm going to have.
Yesterday I was at my in-laws. There were 4 woman there including me. My sister in law, my mother in law, a family friend and myself. Both the sis in law and friend are pregnant. People were telling me that Camilla needs a brother or a sister. I know she does, I really wish that she could. But my body is not cooperating. Like I said, I'm not good at keeping my own secrets. I'm not looking for sympathy,I just like to tell things the way they are. As the days go on with no results, I wonder how do people get over not being able to have a child or any more children? I can't let it overwhelm me with sadness or grief.
I believe in Gods plan. Jessi believed in Gods plan, she knew that her children would be safe in Gods hands after she passed. I need to trust in his plan for all things.
These last few weeks have been so emotional for me, I feel like this post is half crazy. I feel like its time to just move on with life and focus on Camilla. But like I said I'm not good at keeping secrets.. I need to just get it out.
The other day I put on a dress to go to a funeral and Camilla said My Mommy is pretty! My heart melted, she is SO amazing to me. I love her spirit of loving me even though some days it feels like all I do is tell her no.
Convention is in a few days. In fact I'm missing Weds and most of Thurs to go to a fertility Doctor.. Is it a waste of time? I made the appt months ago, not realizing the date. Is there hope, or should I just cancel it and get a full convention?
I never thought I would be here, but here I am. I can't wait for convention. I know it will be SO good for me.

My wish for her, a happy life.

Nature and 4-wheelers

Just a day at Mom and Dads. Camilla is a natural country girl, isn't afraid of getting dirty and jumping on the 4wheeler!