Sigh...

A lot of people say that your fertility issues are supposed to be private, but yet they say when is ____ going to have a brother or a sister? Or he/she needs a brother/sister? So, since I'm not a private person anyway I decided well why not just kinda let it all out? That way people won't have to ask, and I won't have to feel the pain of people asking?
So the plan is- lose weight and then get on fertility drugs. Yay..
Lose weight, oh my. I remember as a teenager and into my early 20s, people saying "You are too skinny" And my Mom would say "no, she's fine just wait. I used to be the same way". Well once again, she was right. When my Mom got married she was 5 8' and 103lbs. That is like model skinny. When I met Ian I was 5 6' and 115lbs, working outside and very tan and skinny. Well things have sure changed. Now, I'm not trying to disrespect my mother at all. Gaining weight is a normal thing, it is a body we will not take it with us when we go, it does not determine who we are. I don't normally stress to much about my weight. I know that I could lose weight, who can't lose a few pounds?!:D But anyway the Dr. wants me to lose weight before I start with fertility meds. Well its required, because once again with my disease thing, getting pregnant right now could be dangerous to me and my unborn baby. So that is what I'm going to do, for my self and for my hopefully one day child.
I am not a good dieter, I like to cook and I like to cook good. That doesn't mean deep fried everything. But I like meat, I like pasta, and I like things to taste good. I really do LOVE vegetables, but would I choose vegetables over a steak? Well, NO.
It frustrates me that So many woman get pregnant. So many woman who gasp should I say get pregnant but do not deserve it? Crack heads, kids with 9 kids or more who already can't take care of the ones they have, 400 lb woman who I mean REALLY? Then there is me. I deserve this, or do I? I can afford a child, I am a pretty decent mom right?
You all will read this and think TMI!! Well thats who I am I guess, just Mrs. TMI! Life's to short to keep everything inside, half of what we are thinking someone else is thinking. (Thank goodness we aren't the only ones) 2010 has been such a crazy year already for me. There have been many downs, really low downs, and many highs. I've learned that depending on myself does me no good. Even in times when maybe I could have the right or reason to feel angry or bitter, it doesn't matter what my human nature thinks.
Today is Fathers Day, what is being a Father? Like many other people, I feel like I have had the best Father. When Ian talked to my Dad about marrying me, the only thing my Dad said was,the only thing I care about is that you let her come to meeting. My parents and especially my Dad have made a huge impression on Ian. Ian does not come to meeting, but my parents are SO good to him. He feels the love from my whole family, even if he doesn't believe as we do.
Well now that this has turned into a confession period, here I am. It is strange as a woman to come to a point of your human body failing you. I have had many health problems in my life, I still do. My human body has failed me many times. But what a great example it is of how short this life really is.
I really need to learn how to take what I have, appreciate what I have been given.
It could be worse, as my dear husband reminded me the other night.
It could be worse.