Oldies!

Parma 1998
Granny was 84, Joey was 17 days old. Her first

Great Great Grandbaby. (right?)

Anniversary party in Weaverville 1998

Kara and I, we spray painted our snowman! You know you're a redneck when..

My old dog Connor, he was the best!

Brett showing off his big muscles!

So young! This was at Parma convention 1998.

Family reunion in WA 1997 I think.
4 of these people have since passed on, if you look you can see Grandpa
standing next to Aunt Zerelda and Aunt Mildred standing next to Granny.

Remembering the good ol days! Doesn't seem that long ago, but yet here I am going to be 29 next month! Where does the time go?
Happy New Year!
Hope 2012 is good to you all!

Fun with the webcam!

I quit

While I was feeling brave and ready. Facebook that is. That sounds really dramatic but it was such a addiction of mine. Wasting so much time on there reading and writing. Not like it was bad stuff just so time consuming. It felt weird, like I was breaking up with my 300 something friends. I didn't know how to do it without looking like I was just trying to get attention. I wanted to tell them about my blog so that they could see pictures of the new baby. But there was no way of doing that with out telling them I was leaving. So, I just left. I guess most of those people know how to get into contact with me. My reasons for leaving were mostly emotional and also just realizing the amount of time I spent on there every day. I don't live a real exciting life so it was entertainment for me! There wasn't any one person who made me leave just a personal decision that I needed to make. I have much more important things to focus on then facebook. I feel good about it, it's a new year we have many changes coming up and this is my last months with Camilla before she goes to school! Yikes..

Finishing up Christmas shopping and buying food for our 2 christmas dinners. This juggling two families has really got to me this year. I remember when I was pregnant with Camilla that I felt the same way. Just so much more emotional and wanting the holidays to be special and important. For me that means being with family who all gets along and loves to be with each other. Which is both sides of my family really. Ian's family is so different from ours that it is hard to feel like it's a true holiday. I'm sure with time things will get easier, but I am glad to be able to be with my parents and Grandma on Christmas Day.

Happy Holidays from our home to yours. Baby boy is kicking right along and everything is on schedule and we are both healthy!

Hoping for the best year yet, 2012!!! Where does the time go..

We are having a......

Can you guess> Around 42 secs you can tell! Quite clear I must add! :)

We are so happy!!

to test or not?

I was asked yesterday at my doctor appointment if I wanted to do the test that would check and see if the baby had down syndrome. I hadn't thought about it before, since it's been almost 6 years since I was last pregnant! So I was kinda rushed into the decision. I sat there for a moment and thought about this lady and her experience with down syndrome. She had no idea her baby was going to have down syndrome and it was of course a big shock when she saw her baby girl for the first time and knew that she had it. There was no question in her mind and of course the doctors whisked baby away and she was left reeling with so many questions and concerns. There is not any easy way to find out that your child has a disease or disability. Would it be easier to find out now so I could have time to get used to the idea, to prepare people for what is to come? Or do I want to spend the rest of my pregnancy knowing that my child will never be a so called normal child? How hard will it be to go my whole pregnancy and then when the baby is pulled from my belly and I see his/her little face and I know that she has it? There is no easy way. But regardless I know that if by chance our child does have it then we will love it no matter what. So, I said no I don't want to test either way we are having this baby. It is not something that I do really need to stress about, the chances are pretty slim for me. But it stopped me short and made me think about the what ifs. I am good at doing that, thinking about the what ifs. It's not healthy I know. It really is a miracle that so many babies are born healthy.

What I do want to know is if we are having a boy or girl! We both do want a boy, especially Ian. I want Ian to have a son, but on the other hand doesn't Camilla need a sister? I go both ways, of course Camilla wants a sister too. It would sure be easier, you should see the tubs of clothes in our garage! :) We will of course take what we get and if it's not a boy well then it's Ian's fault anyway! I love to remind him of that!!

Anniversary Trip

Today is our actual anniversary but we took a little trip earlier this week as weekends are the busiest time for us with work. We went to Monterey and had a great time. The weather was great and nice and cool (yay for me!:)) We had a motel on Cannery Row and so we had a lot of things to do within walking distance including the aquarium and restaurants!

Cannery Row is so beautiful, love these red flowers just gorgeous!

Wish I had this bathroom at my house!

Looking out the door.

The next ones were taken at the Monterey Bay Aquarium

Loved watching this school on sardines, so graceful the way they move together.

As you may know I'm partial to frogs. Loved these ones, looked like they were squished between the rock and glass! So cute!

Wave coming in, not the real ocean.

Diver coming down to feed the fish.

Pretty sea horse

The jelly fish and I.

It's not a plant it's a weird seahorse!

So glad Ian was able to get a little break, he still was working on the phone and computer but not as much as if he was at home. He was able to relax some although he did have to fire someone after they lied to us about working and then gave us fake pictures, that was nice. Such is our life, never a break between 4 employees and numerous office people it just never ends! But I'm so glad we went, so glad that after 6 years we are still happy and so glad for Ian and all he does for us.

Thank you also SO much to my parents who not only watched Camilla but also our dog! Especially since their dog and my dog decided to run off every time you let them both loose! So she had to juggle between the two, tying one up and then letting the other loose. So thank you so much!

Growing up!

Burney Falls

Dec 2007

October 2011

She's going to be 5 in 4 months, oh my baby is growing up!

My pretty girl

Soccer girl!

We signed Camilla up for soccer, hoping it would get rid of some of her energy and give her something to do! I know part of her having so much energy is from not having enough to do! Anyway she is on the same team as my cousin Marcy's son William, they are the same age. So far she's only had 2 practices and 1 game. She did pretty good in practice but then the game came and it was hot and she just really looked like she didn't know what to do! I don't think she liked all the other kids pushing her and getting in her space! So hopefully she will figure out how to get more involved next game! Either way it's a good experience for her!

Looking cute in her uniform

This is how she feels about the heat!

She spent a lot of time looking around!

YAY!

Didn't realize how much I was stressing about insurance till we finally got word that I will have it! I knew it was going to be an issue getting insurance but didn't realize what a pain it was going to be! Because of my ovarian issue I couldn't get my own insurance, we weren't elligable for medi-cal and the other program AIM. So luckily AIM told me about this new Obama thing called PCIP- Pre-Existing Condition Insurance Plan. For people like me who have a so called pre-existing condition which makes them be denied for private health insurance. So after weeks and weeks we finally got a letter saying I was approved! It won't start till Oct 1 but I am so glad to have something so I don't have to pay for a C-section! Yikes! It will of course help big time with my dr. visits (only $25 a visit yay) and labs and ultra sounds too which is great but the big thing was the Csection and hospital. So I feel so relieved about that!

One more thing crossed off my stress list! :)

Thinking of others

Well, I'm sure all of you are glad that you don't have to read anymore about me whining about not getting pregnant! I'm glad to not have to stress about it either! I am 12 weeks now and so that helps me relax even more! Since I am pregnant now I think of other women who were in a similar situation of infertility or of those who did get pregnant and lost if for whatever reason. I of course am happy for myself but because of my experience of wanting to be pregnant and it not happening I am so aware of what other people are going through and want to be really sensitive to that. I remember so many times of hearing of people getting pregnant or of seeing pregnant women and just having this longing and this question of is it going to happen? Will Camilla be a only child? I feel for those women and hope so much for them that they can one day have a child. So I am happy that it has happened for me but I think of other people a lot and my heart hurts for them. I have been made aware that getting pregnant and having a child is truly a miracle. God is great and you can see his power even in creating a child inside of us. I have been thinking about that a lot of what God can do for us. Camilla has been asking of course how did the baby get in my tummy, where do trees come from, where does dirt come from. The most simple answer I could come up with is just to tell her that God creates everything. So now I have heard her walking around and saying I wish that God would give me this or that. So cute, but a good reminder to me that God can give us so much if we are willing to give to him.

I debated for a while of when do I tell people, I know most people wait till they are over 3 months. I understand why they wait, the more people you tell about the pregnancy the more people you will have to tell if you have a miscarriage. I just felt that the only reason why I was waiting was because I might have a miscarriage. So basically I felt like I was saying I am going to have a miscarriage so I need to not tell people. I just felt almost like I was jinxing myself! I didn't want to wait and I knew that if I did have a miscarriage it would be something that I would talk about. I'm not a believer of keeping everything inside, of grieving alone. Not that I have to tell people for the attention but for myself it helps to heal in whatever situation it may be. So I did wait for a while! I was quite impressed with myself! But after trying for over 3 years I just couldn't hold it in any longer! So now here I am at the 3 month mark with no problems and so I feel great.

It is going to be so strange having a baby in the house again! It will be 5 years since we had a little one in the house and I'm not sure how much I remember! :) Hopefully it's just like riding a bike, it will all come back to me. Camilla will also be starting school after the summer the baby is born so we will have all kinds of new stuff going on at our house! Yikes, I'm not ready for her to already be in school!

Have a good day, I will leave you with a quote I read on another blog.

"Cry if you must, but laugh as soon as you can."

New toys

Since Ian got this-



I figured it was only fair that I got something too! So I bought this, it is much cheaper though I must add!!
I am running out of space on my book shelves and since reading is my only hobbie I think it will be well worth it! Plus it has kid books and games for Camilla which will be great since I will be having a lot of Dr. visits in the future! :)
We aren't going to love the payments but I'm glad Ian has a bigger truck and things to make his job a little easier. Like bluetooth and also cruise control! His old truck didn't have it and since he drives anywhere from 200-300 miles a day he needs it!

Camilla has informed me that she doesn't want the baby to drool on her toys but it's ok for the dog to slobber on them! HA, she is so much like me when it comes to animals. No fear but just loves on our dog so much!
Life is good in our neighborhood as long as I eat a little bit every few hours then I feel great! I had a easy pregnancy with Camilla so I'm hoping for the same on this one! Except we are really hoping for a boy.... Please?

Finally

I've only waited 3 years to say this-

I'm pregnant!!!!

Due March 2012, we are so happy and thankful!

My Husband

My husband has the most patience I've ever seen anyone have. We have been through situations where I am just constantly amazed with his attitude and his ability to just let it go. He also has a soft spot in his heart for my family which I of course absolutely love. Recently he went and cut my Grandma's grass. He came back and said her yard is a mess we need to go clean it up. So the next week we did, well mostly him, he weedeated a lot and I mowed. So here's my husband who works 60+ hour weeks, often 6-7 days a week and he decided that he needed to do more of what he does everyday and go help my Grandma. She of course was overjoyed. Anyone who knows her knows that her yard is something she really enjoys. It's a lot for her to keep up since weeds grow so fast. The other day he stopped at my Dad's shop to talk to him and decided that it needed weedeating done out front so he did it. My husband is awesome. I love how the longer we are together the more his love grows for my family, hee hee pun not intended. So I knew I made the right decision to marry him and I'm so glad in how he has grown as a man, a father and a husband.

Doctors

I will be seeing my third fertility Dr next month. My first one retired so I went to a new one and on the first visit she told me that she was closing her practice! Thanks! Well there goes $130 for nothing! Pretty irritating. So now I'm going back to the Dr. that I used when I had Camilla. His name is Dr. Williams and if that isn't ironic enough he has a son named Ian! So it's just meant to be true I guess! So maybe he will have some new ideas or suggestions.
Honestly I'm just really getting tired of all of this. Tired of it constantly running through my head. Tired of every month being let down. This has been going on for almost 3 years. I know I need to finish the clomid cycles but really after that I don't think I'll have a choice anyway to just quit with the fertility Dr.'s. We can't afford invitro and so when I'm done with the clomid then that's in. I am starting to feel a little more at peace with the situation. I know that I am lucky to have already experienced pregnancy and the birth of 1 child. There are a lot of people who will never experience that ever! So if we are to be a family of 3, then so be it. The hardest part if just for Camilla as I've mentioned before. I feel so bad for her watching her play by herself day after day. I have talked to her a little about wanting to have a baby, there have been a few times when I have been crying about it and she is asking what is wrong. I don't know what to say to her to make her understand. I just tell her that my body isn't working right and so I'm having to go to the Dr. and get medicine to try and have a baby. She thinks about it sometimes too because at random times, (like in the store), she wil say (really loud)"But Mommy how come you can't have a baby?" Or "Mommy when are you going to have a baby?" So then everyone stares at us and I stumble and mumble something about I don't know!
So anyway life goes on, I have so much to be thankful for. So thankful for my little family and everyone who is involved who supports me.
Let's all have a joyous day!

Yellowstone National Park

It is hard to really show how beautiful Yellowstone is. I look at my pictures and they just really don't do it justice. It really is a beautiful great place. I liked what a park ranger said about seeing everything in the park and there is this little flower that you have to get down on your knees to see because it droops down. She said if you think about it being on your knees in a huge state park is quite a thing. Looking around you can see the beauty of God and what he has created and planned for us. We are so glad we went and so glad for my parents who planned this trip and helped make it all possible! Sure was glad we could send stuff with them in the trailer instead of having to bring it all on the plane!
I wish I could remember the names of all the things we saw but here is some of my best pictures.
This is the first buffalo of many that we saw. They are HUGE!

This river is huge and in flood stages, all the rivers and creeks are in flood stage. The park got a record snow fall this year so there is water everywhere! The fish are still trying to swim up river to spawn and so below where we are standing it was a little calmer and they were trying to swim upstream but didn't seem to be getting very far.

Camilla is trying to figure out the binoculars, she spent most of the trip with them around her neck and everytime we saw something she would put them to her eyes but never seemed to see anything!!

It was Kara's birthday the day we got there. I got her a cake and Camilla got to help her blow out the candles.:)

Looking like a tourist, sitting in front of the really cool Yellowstone Giftshop.

Waiting for Old Faithful to erupt.

There she goes! Pretty amazing the amount of water that comes out.

Old Faithful Inn

Weird stuff in a hot spring.

Ian took this through the binoculars.

Family<3

Sisters<3

We were so sad to leave, but so thankful to be there and see all the beauty of mother nature. Go visit!