Positive or Negative?

This post is for me only, not about anyone else.
I think that it is a choice we have to make for ourselves every day. Especially being a woman, our emotions can get the best of us really easily. It's easy on days when you wake up, you don't feel tired, you didn't spend the whole night dreaming crazy/bad dreams (something I do frequently, not fun.)etc.. It's easy to wake up and be positive and happy and go on with your day. But on days when you get woke up by your husbands phone ringing and you hear the annoying voice of someone who has to do with work or you wake up and your daughter has wet the bed or well you get the picture. It's easy then to be negative. But, we have a choice! For those of you who are mothers, you know that when you are negative it affects negatively on your kids. It's easy to lose your patience, it can even be easy to take your frustration out on your kids or husband. Which is not fair.


I have a choice each day to be positive or to be negative.

On our nice sunny days Camilla will say, "It's just a beautiful day Mommy!" What a beautiful little spirit my girl has. It is a beautiful day, to be alive and healthy and only have minor every day problems.

Love this Zac Brown Band song, the words are so true.
"You keep your heart above your head and your eyes wide open
So this world can't find a way to leave you cold
And know you're not the only ship out on the ocean
Save your strength for things that you can change
Forgive the ones you can't
You gotta let 'em go"

Camilla and the porcupine.

I've been really loving my little family the last week or so, more than usual I should say. It's a good feeling to be content..

Snow

Around here we don't get a lot of snow, so we get pretty excited when we do get some! This was probably the longest I've ever seen it snow here in Redding.
These next 3 pictures were actually taken at my parents house.
For some reason this picture cracks me up! The picture makes the dogs look a lot closer then they really are. Plus they aren't really fighting, so I'm not a terrible mother! :)



Anyone want to jump?

The Ford dealership.:)

A really private post

Disclaimer: This blog post is by no means a personal attack on anyone I know or do not know. My point is that we all have ways of doing things but it doesn't mean its the best way for everyone else.

It annoys me that people think that people who share their lives are only sharing because they want attention. Just because you may be a really private person doesn’t mean that other people are wrong because they aren’t private. I share a lot on here, not for attention, not for pity, not because my life is so shallow that I have to go to a blog or facebook to share what is happening in my life. I share because it’s my therapy, it’s what I do with my blog. It is how I want my blog to be, honest and real and almost everyone knows a woman who has had fertility issues and it isn’t easy. It’s how I live my life, not beating around the bush just saying it as it is.

It’s easy to think that our own ways are the best ways, but that is SO not true. It is the best way for US and maybe not the best way for someone else!
My opinion is if you get so offended or annoyed at people writing personal stuff then don’t be on facebook or don’t read other peoples blogs!

On that note, I took my first Clomid today, and I’m going to leave that vague just to annoy people! hahaha Also I wore my underwear inside out all day and my bra on backwards.

Just kidding about the bra part, but not the underwear part..

:)

Happy Birthday Camilla!

I CAN NOT believe that my little baby is already 4! Just doesn't seem possible! She has been asking for her birthday party to be at Chuck E Cheese for months now, so I finally gave in. She had a blast so it was worth it!
This is called the ticket blaster, air blows the tickets all around and she tried to catch them. I have a video I'll try to post if it will work! She loved this!

On a ride, she is really good at having her eyes closed for pictures!

Her cute little cake!

How hard is it to get all 3 of us to have our eyes opened and look at the camera? Apparently very hard since we had 3 pictues taken and none of them turned out good!

Camilla with Chuck E Cheese.


She is getting so big and is really turning into this big girl. She is starting to behave better and we are having SO many good days! I am so glad to have her and am so thankful for her sweet little spirit and of wanting to help Mommy with things. A lot of times when I ask her to do something she will so Okay Mommy. Which before it was a fight constantly but she is learning that I am boss! Woohoo! :)
Mommy and Daddy love you so much Camilla!

Today

Is one of those days where I would REALLY like to get into bed and sleep for oh 8 hours or so. My patience has been very thin the last 2 days, not sure why. I don't think I've had any unusual or different stresses. Just the same ones.
I am getting closer and closer to starting the fertility meds. Went in today and took a pregnancy test just to make sure before I start the meds. Of course though I went into the lab and it was like the busiest day ever. So I waited for close to 40 min before they even called me in and then they said we don't have any order for a test. UGH.. Luckily the lab is in the same building as my Dr. so I was able to just walk down the hall to get the paper work. So then after waiting 5 min for that and then waiting another probably 10 min I was able to get the blood drawn which took oh maybe at the most 3 minutes! Meanwhile Camilla is saying repeatedly I don't want to be here, yanking on my purse, yanking on my hands, there is people around coughing and little kids coughing and I can just feel the sickness invading me. So that didn't help my patience level. I think that I am really nervous about taking the medicine because this will really prove if I am able to get pregnant or not. If this medicine doesn't work then I will have to go to a different kind of fertility Dr. which the closest one is in Sacramento, 2.5 hours away which= Big $$. Which we don't have and don't have insurance and as of right now can't afford it. So I'm really nervous because this is in a way maybe my last shot to ever get pregnant unless for some unknown reason my body decides to cooperate which it hasn't been cooperating for close to 3 years now! So I'm trying to relax, trying not to get too ahead of myself and trying to be positive that this will work. It will right? :) Please? I'm tired of worrying about it, just one more child please?
I've appreciated thinking of our weakness appealing to God. Of God just wanting a little bit of willingness and a weakness in ourselves and with that little bit he can do a amazing work in us. "Our weakness Lord appeals to thee, our spirits long for liberty, oh hear our cry, thy holy one, complete the work thou hast begun." I think that is how it goes, I'm too lazy to get up and find my hymn book! But, it is nice to know that we can be weak and ask God for strength and he will give it. Of course the stipulation is of being willing for his will, all of it.
So today I need more patience and more positive thinking! :)

My Granny

My Granny had a stroke last week. It was quite a shock as she has been really healthy her whole life. Thankfully it was a minor stroke, well as minor as you can get. She is recovering really well and the Dr.'s are really impressed with her improvements. I spent 5 days in Reno with her, spent a lot of time in the hospital. Every day I saw improvements, her speech when we first got there I could barely understand what she was saying. But just a few days later it was SO much better!
I learned something during those days in Reno, well a few things. One-My relatives on both sides of my family (Dad's and Mom's) are really close and really care about each other. It is so sad to me how many older people are in care homes and hospitals and never have visitors. They sit day after day probably hoping for someone to come in and cheer them up. Instead the only people the see are Doctors and nurses. We had people in the hospital all hours of the day, all night all day. The only time she was left alone was when the nurses were giving her a bath. You hear a lot and it's sad to say but it's not good to leave people in the hospital by themselves, especially when they can't do very much for them self. Granny had seven kids, all of them but my Mom and her brother Tommy live in the Reno area. They all were there different times of the day and week. All of them talking about changes needing to make at Granny and Papa's house for when she comes home. All of them looking to the future and what they can do to help her recovery and help keep her independence. The reason why all of Granny's kids were there to support her was because she and Papa were good parents. They have a strong marriage and were strong with their discipline and their kids grew up loving them. And now all these years later when their oldest is almost 60 I think, they still love their Mama and want to help her in anyway possible. To me in the day we are living in, that is pretty amazing.
2-After spending days with my 2 Aunts, I see where I get my strong will and willingness to speak my mind. Granted it isn't maybe always best but I don't like people running over me, I will be heard! I see that a lot with them and it is good and bad, so I want to find a balance.
Most of all I appreciate the family I have. We are not all perfect but I'm so glad for the love and care that is shown to me, that helps me along, that encourages me along..
Mom and her parents

HAHA!

Random

Not much has been going on in our lives except work and every day life! We have some good people working for us now who we can depend on so Ian is home a lot more then he had been. So I don't feel like a single mommy anymore! YAY!
Camilla has been enjoying her trampoline and really likes it when we come and jump on it with her!
Here she is with Grandpa

The last few weeks she has been really into being "pretty" So that means dresses, the fancier the better and her "high" heels.

Her hair battle is still going on, some days are worse then others but we are trying some new products and I've been really trying to keep it braided and that helps with the tangles a lot.

The dogs tumor is getting better, the vet gave me some drops to put on it and it really seems to be drying up so hopefully it will go away! Really don't want to have to pay for her to have surgery!
I've enjoyed this quote, that I stole from Facebook!

"Life is under no obligation to give us what we expect."

Margaret Mitchell,
American author

Feeling really greatful for the people I have in my life, so many great people I know. I just had a birthday and am getting older and really appreciating the people in my circle! It's not how big your circle is, it's the quality of what's inside!